Saturday... what a day...

I finally did get that first phone call last Sunday evening- and it kinda sucked. DH got to talk for exactly five minutes, complete with 50 other guys in the background trying to talk to their families as well and a TI hollering out remaining minutes. So... yeah. It was bittersweet and I cried when I hung up because it just made me miss him so much more.

This work week pretty much flew by with absolutely nothing happening since school is out and there weren't too many people on campus. Fast forward to this afternoon when I received my second call. Imagine my surprise when we got to talk for 15 whole minutes this time! It was so much better without the pressure of him hanging up so soon. Unfortunately my phone was acting up and we spent half the time repeating everything because he couldn't hear me. :( I was scrambling around the house trying to find somewhere (anywhere, for the love of God!) with better signal. I ended up outside sitting on the hood of the car.

Anyway, DH informed me that he is the guidon for his squad. I'm so proud, it means he gets to march up at the front of the formation next to the commander! Plus, it will make it so much easier for me to spot him at Graduation if he is still doing that job. He's honored to have the position but he says that it's quite a workout because the flag is hella heavy. He also got Warhawk in his first run even though he didn't run his hardest at all.... my hubby is a distance runner so the AF run is a cakewalk for him. He is now determined to break the BMT record before he leaves, which is just like him!

Talking to him was really the high point of my day. The only other thing I did today was go to Wal-Mart to buy two things (Really? Did I really think I would get out of there with only two things??) and leaving with a cart full of clearance items. I made the mistake of walking down that clearance aisle and they had all kinds of jewelry making stuff on sale. I ended up getting a pack of assorted glass beads, a pack of wood and shell beads, two accent/centerpiece charms, two rolls of beading wire, magnetic clasps, claw clasps, and an earring set. I spent the rest of the afternoon making a pair of earrings only to figure out once I'd finished that I don't really like the way they look on my ears. Oh well, so much for a first try.

A Worthwhile Weekend

It seems I've made it through another weekend. This one was actually pretty great, though. On Friday I got a card in the mail from DH's Grandma officially welcoming me into the family, which was soooo sweet of her. I also got a book in the mail- "Married to the Military: A Survival Guide for Military Wives, Girlfriends, and Women in Uniform". I haven't read a lot of it yet but it seems to be a pretty good resource for the girl who is brand new to military life. No mail from hubby yet, but I am remaining optimistic. Maybe I'll even get a phone call soon!

This weekend a few friends also came into town. An old friend, A, who has been known to be the key to my sanity sometimes, came over to not-celebrate his birthday. We had dinner, drank some beer, and played Wii Sports. That, my friends, is what I call a good time. My friend L graduated on Saturday with her Master's degree, so of course she was a part of the dinner/beer/Wii evening as well. Finally, J, who was DH's roommate freshman year of college and still remains a great friend, came into town with his fiance. We got to hang out last night and they took me to Aladdin's Sheesha Cafe to sample my first hookah. That was definitely a lot of fun- their friends are crazy!

So now here I am on Sunday afternoon, lazing around and wondering whether I really want to do that load of laundry. It depends if I want to be extra creative in putting together outfits for work all week. Hmm, creativity is always good. :) I'm also reading House of Night Book 7, "Burned", which just came out. Guilty pleasure, it is. The writing is really quite kitschy and chock full of "teenage slang" which can come out just all wrong when it's written by a grown woman. I suppose that's where her college age daughter comes in. I wonder where she grew up though, because I don't know of too many teenagers who say "bull poopie". Ah well, I'm invested in the story now so I must press on. :)

Sitting next to me is another letter hot off the presses of my little hand to mail away to Texas. The only thing about that is my townhouse doesn't have an outgoing mail slot so I have to remember to take it to work and walk over to the nearest one. And memory has never been one of my strong suits. Patience, either, which is why I find it surprising that I'm holding together so well without any word from my hubby. Lord willing, it will come soon enough. So until next time, I'll just keep on wishin' and hopin'...

TGIF, of course!

1. If you could, would you go back to high school?
 I've only been out of high school for six years, but I'm already nostalgic for it. I know that people say you forget the bad times and only remember the good when you start getting misty-eyed over the past. I guess I'm forgetting pretty quickly, then. Even now I remember high school as a time of few responsibilities and lots of fun.I would definitely go back high school, but I wouldn't hang out for four years this time.
 
2. If a genie appeared and granted you two wishes, what would they be? (And, no saying "more wishes".)
Wow, tough question much? Usually I would get three, but I guess I'll take whatever's being offered, huh? I would wish for a lifetime of health and happiness for myself and my loved ones. Also for more patience.

3. What kids show do you secretly like?
LOL.... well there are actually more than one and they mostly reside in the House of Mouse. I guiltily watch Hannah Montana, Wizards of Waverly Place, and Sonny with a Chance!

4. What is your beverage of choice?
I'm a country girl through and through so there's nothing I love better than a big ol' glass of sweet tea!

5. What is something that you would change about yourself (or are working to change in yourself)? 
My dependency on other people. I'm trying to learn how to be a strong, independent woman who can do things for herself.

Your Love is My Drug...

After spending the day reading blogs from other military wives and then re-reading my post from last night, I realized that it makes me sound like a bit of an emotional weakling. Maybe in some ways, I am, but I promise I am not a quivering blob of Jell-O on the inside. It's just that this whole situation has come at me very quickly and I haven't had a chance to adjust yet. Let me explain how I came to be at this point.

My DH and I have been together for 7 1/2 years, since I was 16 years old. In young adult life, that is really kind of a long time. We have been living together for the last 5 of those years. We have been engaged for the last 3 1/2 of those years, waiting for the right time to have a wedding (both of us were in school and paying loans, etc.). Well apparently, the right time did not come up fast enough for fate. DH was on delayed enlistment for AFBMT. We were told it would probably be six months before he got a spot, but some other guy was disqualified at the last minute and his job was my man's first choice. Mind you, this was very last minute. We got the call on Thursday night two weeks ago and he had to leave that Sunday morning. So what do we do? First, freak out a little. We had been planning a vacation for months that had finally arrived. We were to check in on Saturday morning..... so, vacation? Not happening anymore. I had to cancel the hotel reservations without a refund because this company had absolute no empathy for someone called up for active duty military training. Whatever. Then we realized that we needed to be married. Fast. We needed those benefits, even during training- the FSA plus health insurance. Well, crap. DH and I both had to work all day on Friday... a quick call to the Clerk of Courts office, a plea to waive the required 3 day waiting period for a license, and the kindness of a clerk who squeezed us into a completely booked afternoon later we were signing a marriage record and saying our vows. Saturday was spent, instead of heading down to our vacation, in a frenzy of administrative activity. We had to get me added to his bank account, write down all of his usernames and passwords, make a list of bills and due dates, etc. So much for spending time together on our honeymoon, which also happened to be the last day we'd get to spend together for over 2 months. Grr.... I left him at MEPS on Sunday morning. We got to talk on the phone Sunday, Monday, and while he was in the airport on Tuesday. He called to let me know he landed in Lackland Tuesday evening, I got a call on Thursday night for him to give me his mailing address. Then nothing. He's been at BMT for one week and two days now, but he has just begun his actual training because of Zero Week processing and everything.

So basically, for these last days, I have been adjusting to being on my own. Even though I've lived in this city for almost 6 years, I really don't have too many close friends. It's a college town, so when people graduate they leave. The ones I do have are students as well, so a lot of time is occupied by school and work. This = me spending a lot of time alone. Which is why I started this blog. I haven't blogged since my high school days and I didn't really miss it too much because I had actual people to talk to instead of a text box. But now I'm seeing the therapeutic benefit of writing again, even if no one reads this but myself. 

Anyway, everything that has happened so quickly is the reason why I'm a bit overwhelmed right now. In five years, I never slept alone for more than a few nights. Even when DH was in the police academy, then working night shifts at PD, he was home for at least some portion of the day. It's harder on me because now do I not only not get to see him, but I can't talk to him either. All I can do is write these letters that I hope he's enjoying and wait for him to get a chance to write one back. I don't want to get my hopes up for a phone call this soon (or ever really) because I know it might not come. Even though I know where he is and in some small measure what he is doing, it kind of feels like he doesn't exist. I feel like a woman on my own, which is frightening. I may be almost 24 years old, but I've led a fairly sheltered life. There are a lot of things I don't know how to do because I always had someone else to do it for me. I don't even know how to be alone. Never in my life have I lived by myself and now I have to do it as a newlywed. I guess that means I will be growing up a lot during these months of separation, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. Mind you, I will always be a big kid in my heart.

I know I need to get used to this feeling, because these are probably the least of the adventures (and hardships) I will experience as an Air Force wife. I'm trying to start looking forward to our future together instead of dwelling on the pain of being apart in the present.

Here is where I stand...

Turning on the TV just to create some noise... it's too quiet in this house all alone.

Dreading the darkness... that means bedtime and I feel empty in this bed all alone.

Calling people I usually never talk to... it's hard when the only one I want to talk to is you, but I'm all alone...

So I'm writing letters every night... full of all the things I wish I could say during the day when I'm all alone.

Making lists of bills and reminders... you usually help me keep up to date with this kind of thing, but I'm all alone.

Counting the days until I see you again... but even then it will only be for the weekend and then again I'll be all alone.

Celebrating our marriage by going to work and coming home to no one... but I know you didn't want to leave me all alone.

Even though I'm so proud of you... I miss you so much that sometimes I wonder if I'm strong enough to make it all alone.