After spending the day reading blogs from other military wives and then re-reading my post from last night, I realized that it makes me sound like a bit of an emotional weakling. Maybe in some ways, I am, but I promise I am not a quivering blob of Jell-O on the inside. It's just that this whole situation has come at me very quickly and I haven't had a chance to adjust yet. Let me explain how I came to be at this point.
My DH and I have been together for 7 1/2 years, since I was 16 years old. In young adult life, that is really kind of a long time. We have been living together for the last 5 of those years. We have been engaged for the last 3 1/2 of those years, waiting for the right time to have a wedding (both of us were in school and paying loans, etc.). Well apparently, the right time did not come up fast enough for fate. DH was on delayed enlistment for AFBMT. We were told it would probably be six months before he got a spot, but some other guy was disqualified at the last minute and his job was my man's first choice. Mind you, this was very last minute. We got the call on Thursday night two weeks ago and he had to leave that Sunday morning. So what do we do? First, freak out a little. We had been planning a vacation for months that had finally arrived. We were to check in on Saturday morning..... so, vacation? Not happening anymore. I had to cancel the hotel reservations without a refund because this company had absolute no empathy for someone called up for active duty military training. Whatever. Then we realized that we needed to be married. Fast. We needed those benefits, even during training- the FSA plus health insurance. Well, crap. DH and I both had to work all day on Friday... a quick call to the Clerk of Courts office, a plea to waive the required 3 day waiting period for a license, and the kindness of a clerk who squeezed us into a completely booked afternoon later we were signing a marriage record and saying our vows. Saturday was spent, instead of heading down to our vacation, in a frenzy of administrative activity. We had to get me added to his bank account, write down all of his usernames and passwords, make a list of bills and due dates, etc. So much for spending time together on our honeymoon, which also happened to be the last day we'd get to spend together for over 2 months. Grr.... I left him at MEPS on Sunday morning. We got to talk on the phone Sunday, Monday, and while he was in the airport on Tuesday. He called to let me know he landed in Lackland Tuesday evening, I got a call on Thursday night for him to give me his mailing address. Then nothing. He's been at BMT for one week and two days now, but he has just begun his actual training because of Zero Week processing and everything.
So basically, for these last days, I have been adjusting to being on my own. Even though I've lived in this city for almost 6 years, I really don't have too many close friends. It's a college town, so when people graduate they leave. The ones I do have are students as well, so a lot of time is occupied by school and work. This = me spending a lot of time alone. Which is why I started this blog. I haven't blogged since my high school days and I didn't really miss it too much because I had actual people to talk to instead of a text box. But now I'm seeing the therapeutic benefit of writing again, even if no one reads this but myself.
Anyway, everything that has happened so quickly is the reason why I'm a bit overwhelmed right now. In five years, I never slept alone for more than a few nights. Even when DH was in the police academy, then working night shifts at PD, he was home for at least some portion of the day. It's harder on me because now do I not only not get to see him, but I can't talk to him either. All I can do is write these letters that I hope he's enjoying and wait for him to get a chance to write one back. I don't want to get my hopes up for a phone call this soon (or ever really) because I know it might not come. Even though I know where he is and in some small measure what he is doing, it kind of feels like he doesn't exist. I feel like a woman on my own, which is frightening. I may be almost 24 years old, but I've led a fairly sheltered life. There are a lot of things I don't know how to do because I always had someone else to do it for me. I don't even know how to be alone. Never in my life have I lived by myself and now I have to do it as a newlywed. I guess that means I will be growing up a lot during these months of separation, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. Mind you, I will always be a big kid in my heart.
I know I need to get used to this feeling, because these are probably the least of the adventures (and hardships) I will experience as an Air Force wife. I'm trying to start looking forward to our future together instead of dwelling on the pain of being apart in the present.
